My 30-Plus Year Relationship

My husband and I will be celebrating 30 years of marriage in July of this summer. We dated for a whopping one and a half years prior to marrying, so we have actually already been together over 32 years as a couple.  Our first date was in January of 1984 and pretty much once we went out, we were a couple.  It seems that these days 30 years is a lifetime of a marriage, what with so many marriages not lasting nearly that long.  Also seems that it used to be a 30 year marriage was the norm. Do not worry, I am here to tell you how to make a perfect marriage last.  No, I am not.

I have no idea. Our marriage is not perfect, far from it.  We have had our trials.  We have had the "for worse" parts for sure.  We just persevered I guess.  There were times in our marriage where it was as easy as breathing for me.  And then there were times it may as well have been climbing Mt. Everest, swimming across the English Channel, or leaping off the Empire State Building with some pretend wings attached to my back. It seemed impossible.  Through those times I think the thing that kept me in our marriage was simply looking at the future and trying to imagine it without my husband in it. Even as mad as I have been, even as upset as sometimes I may have been, I couldn't imagine living my life without him by my side by choice.

A few years ago, we were having a particularly rough patch (I call it now my crazy years) and I think much of it was due to the stress of becoming empty nesters.  We went through some counseling with a very nice man whom I am pretty sure was divorced.  Irony at its best.  He did help us though, if nothing more, he helped us communicate better which is pretty sad that after 20 plus years of marriage we didn't know how.  Actually I think we just had become farther and farther apart from the busyness of life.  Raising our children had become our number one priority - no regrets there - but we had forgotten to put our marriage up there on the priority list as well.  It seemed harmless until the kids were flying the coop and then I think panic set in a bit.  But that is all in the past now. We are stronger for it.  Better than ever I might say, and lucky that we are both still on this earth for each other.

The other day my mother asked me how I knew Brian was the one for me.  I laughed and said I was 19 when I met him so I probably wasn't positive!  But in all honesty, and I have told him before, he makes me laugh.  He made me laugh then, and he makes me laugh even more now.  Yes his humor can be a giant pain in the neck, sometimes he cuts up at rather inappropriate times, and sometimes his wit is a little offensive, but he is funny. I would rather be with someone who makes me laugh than the most romantic man in the world.  How lucky am I that he has a great sense of romance as well!!

We will be heading out soon for a Royal Caribbean vacation and, for the first time in quite some time, it will be just the two of us. I am really looking forward to it.  No cell phones, no dogs hogging our attention, no closets to clean, just the two of us, the ocean breeze, a pretty cocktail and a beautiful sunset.  How romantic is that?

My advise to young couples who are working on making a marriage last: enjoy those easy breathing times, and when the going gets tough, pull up your pants, put on your work boots and do the work. Nothing worth having should be that easy, so expect some trials, learn from them, work at it, and enjoy the ride. Also don't forget to date. I know it is hard to make time and you don't want to leave the kids behind...do it anyway. You need it and so does your spouse.

I hope that my husband feels like our marriage has been the best thing that has happened to him, because that is exactly how I feel. Here is to the next 30 years...I hope they don't go as fast as these last 30! I love you BCP!!!